When I spent time with others, be it my family, my friends or my colleagues, I felt quickly drained and in an urgent need to return to calm and solitude.
School was my biggest ordeal and I forced myself to go there, I was very hard and demanding with myself. Then arrived in 4th grade, my return to school was a nightmare, I have no friends with me, I don’t like my class and I have a very bad schedule.
My wife and I had been experiencing difficulties in our relationship for several years. I felt immense frustration, incomprehension, suffocation, impossible to communicate.
This excess of stress added to a period when, from a personal and family point of view, many things were called into question caused a void in me, I no longer knew who I was, unable to make decisions as I I could always do it.
After I grieved, the emptiness was still there but how else could it have been as I lived my life through the prism of my many traumas, limiting beliefs and self-deception.
The more I sought excellence, the more I sabotaged my sentimental life. I was still not accomplished and my discomfort was still present, I was still on the defensive, always ready to bite, I was overwhelmed with anger, injustice.
I still benefit today from the fruits of these few months of therapeutic follow-up during my doubts and personal projects.
I am a believer and having developed my spirituality, this emptiness persisted… This emptiness was also linked to an unconsciousness, a false perception of reality and of who I was. I had to learn who I was and what my fears were, my processes and above all I learned to connect with my emotions.
My relationship with my spouse had become distant, we were no longer connected and despite my desire to be close to her. My fears and my traumas prevented me from going to consult.
I grew up with an alcoholic, violent and manipulative father. I have been belittled, neglected and unloved.
As a child, to protect myself, I buried what I felt and cut off most of my emotions.
